Letting Go

It’s funny when you have an epiphany. The fog lifts, the heavens open up, and all the pieces of the enigma you’ve been trying to figure out for God knows how long, make sense. Or at least it seems that way.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been having a lot of those “epiphanies.” Call it what you will, self-discovery, an eye-opening experience, whatever, but the one thing these all have in common is a better understanding of the problem at hand. What’s funny is that even though I’ve cleared things in my head, maybe it’s just another piece that’s part of a larger jigsaw-type issue or perhaps what I have figured out isn’t the right answer. Just the best answer right now.

A lot of things have been going on while in school, but I have done my best ostrich impression and stuck my head in the sand when confronted with certain issues. Some of those issues deal with relationships (oh jeez), my writing (I hope I figured this one out), and then about my future (does anyone really know?). I’ve known myself to hold on to people, ideas, feelings for too long and, well, it doesn’t always end bueno.

I never really share my love life with folks. It’s not that it’s personal (even though it is), but while in school, my attempts at maintaining romance have been about as good as Romeo surviving hemlock poison. Now, this is partially due to me prioritizing school above all else, but when I do have feelings that spring from that place that I’ve closed down for a long time, it’s hard to let go. Some call it tunnel vision, blinders, or hell, love. I don’t which of the three I felt.

All I know is that I had one of those epiphany things about it. Now, I’ve heard people call it a defeatist attitude, being a quitter, or in the Biblical sense, losing the faith. I’m not sure what you really call it, but all I know is that some things are just out of your reach. And sometimes you just have to STOP.

I’m not advising you to give up on people, goals, or dreams that are hard to reach. Fight. Fight harder than you ever have for those things. Come at it like a tornado of teeth and nails. Don’t give up. However, sometimes you have to step back and realize that maybe you’re fighting the wrong battle.

Finding the right thing to fight for is never easy. Trying for the wrong thing can be like Sisyphus and his eternal punishment. Learning to let go of someone or something is never easy. While I may be young in years, I’ve gained enough wisdom to know this, and trust me, it’s something that’ll never be natural.